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Post date: Dec 9, 2010 8:23:25 AM
Well, just in case you didn’t know it has been about six months since my last MRI and I had one yesterday. I love those things, if I am not in a good place mentally I have plenty of time to think about it while in there for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Let me tell you, I was not in a good place. I was all in my head about a lot of stuff and that is like being alone in a bad neighborhood. I was really flustered about this one, not sure why, I just have a feeling like something has changed and I will have to go through yet another challenge. I really don’t worry about it when I’m not in the machine, I have plenty of other things to occupy my time when I am in the world. Inside the tube though, there is no distraction, no peripheral, no escape.
Well, just in case you didn’t know it has been about six months since my last MRI and I had one yesterday. I love those things, if I am not in a good place mentally I have plenty of time to think about it while in there for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Let me tell you, I was not in a good place. I was all in my head about a lot of stuff and that is like being alone in a bad neighborhood. I was really flustered about this one, not sure why, I just have a feeling like something has changed and I will have to go through yet another challenge. I really don’t worry about it when I’m not in the machine, I have plenty of other things to occupy my time when I am in the world. Inside the tube though, there is no distraction, no peripheral, no escape.
Sorry every six months I get philosophical and self-absorbed; it is my time to do so. I have just a few days out of every year when I am sure my life will end shortly in a horrible way that I might actually be right. I like to revel in it a bit!
Sorry every six months I get philosophical and self-absorbed; it is my time to do so. I have just a few days out of every year when I am sure my life will end shortly in a horrible way that I might actually be right. I like to revel in it a bit!
On to the next part: I am now not employed by anyone. This is kind of a scary thing, I am prepared for it though. I have a long term plan I have put into action. This plan is one I have wanted to implement for some time, it involves getting contract employment or working off-site somehow. I never have written about my daughter and how she has influenced my life, at least in this way. I worked at a company for almost a year where I went in early, not because they made me, I wanted to. It was better for my performance, the company, and for me missing traffic. I usually arrived there in the office about 630 AM after a half-hour drive. For the math majors that meant I left my house at 600AM. I usually did this after waking Brooklyn up to give her a goodbye kiss. This was the normal thing for a while but she then started getting up to see me off by the front door. She was not happy I was leaving, she was really sad, really upset sometimes. She would be standing there with tears in her eyes asking me not to go, imploring me to stay. I didn’t know what to do, well I knew what to do…not go. I never stopped though, never did I stay there, I felt I couldn’t. What a weasel, I was spineless. Many people say that is what you have to do, you have to go to work and make a living so you can provide for her. I’m not so sure that is the correct answer; there really is no correct answer, just one you tell yourself so you can still leave. I was heartbroken, on a daily basis, not sure what to do; looking at bills and feeling powerless to do anything about the situation as a whole. It is about now I wish I could say I came up with some master plan of massive action or something like that but I didn’t, I went to work, and I came home…rinse…wash…repeat. I gave what I had to the job, and then I gave what I had to my family; real exciting, I know. I did always want to do something about it, you know where wanting gets you…wanting. I kept on going and kept on going, now I have an opportunity to shop around for the right thing to do that will make all of the needs be satisfied. I am looking forward to being able to find fulfilling work and family life; to really have it all! Hopefully you will see more and more updates on my progress, I’ll let you know about my head, literally and emotionally! I just found this one, I like what is has to say:
On to the next part: I am now not employed by anyone. This is kind of a scary thing, I am prepared for it though. I have a long term plan I have put into action. This plan is one I have wanted to implement for some time, it involves getting contract employment or working off-site somehow. I never have written about my daughter and how she has influenced my life, at least in this way. I worked at a company for almost a year where I went in early, not because they made me, I wanted to. It was better for my performance, the company, and for me missing traffic. I usually arrived there in the office about 630 AM after a half-hour drive. For the math majors that meant I left my house at 600AM. I usually did this after waking Brooklyn up to give her a goodbye kiss. This was the normal thing for a while but she then started getting up to see me off by the front door. She was not happy I was leaving, she was really sad, really upset sometimes. She would be standing there with tears in her eyes asking me not to go, imploring me to stay. I didn’t know what to do, well I knew what to do…not go. I never stopped though, never did I stay there, I felt I couldn’t. What a weasel, I was spineless. Many people say that is what you have to do, you have to go to work and make a living so you can provide for her. I’m not so sure that is the correct answer; there really is no correct answer, just one you tell yourself so you can still leave. I was heartbroken, on a daily basis, not sure what to do; looking at bills and feeling powerless to do anything about the situation as a whole. It is about now I wish I could say I came up with some master plan of massive action or something like that but I didn’t, I went to work, and I came home…rinse…wash…repeat. I gave what I had to the job, and then I gave what I had to my family; real exciting, I know. I did always want to do something about it, you know where wanting gets you…wanting. I kept on going and kept on going, now I have an opportunity to shop around for the right thing to do that will make all of the needs be satisfied. I am looking forward to being able to find fulfilling work and family life; to really have it all! Hopefully you will see more and more updates on my progress, I’ll let you know about my head, literally and emotionally! I just found this one, I like what is has to say:
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.”
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.”
–A.J. Cronin
–A.J. Cronin
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