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MRI, ay, ay, ay!!!!

posted Dec 9, 2010, 12:23 AM by Dave Daley

Well, just in case you didn’t know it has been about six months since my last MRI and I had one yesterday.  I love those things, if I am not in a good place mentally I have plenty of time to think about it while in there for about an hour and fifteen minutes.  Let me tell you, I was not in a good place.  I was all in my head about a lot of stuff and that is like being alone in a bad neighborhood.  I was really flustered about this one, not sure why, I just have a feeling like something has changed and I will have to go through yet another challenge.  I really don’t worry about it when I’m not in the machine, I have plenty of other things to occupy my time when I am in the world.  Inside the tube though, there is no distraction, no peripheral, no escape.

Sorry every six months I get philosophical and self-absorbed; it is my time to do so.  I have just a few days out of every year when I am sure my life will end shortly in a horrible way that I might actually be right.  I like to revel in it a bit!

On to the next part: I am now not employed by anyone.  This is kind of a scary thing, I am prepared for it though.  I have a long term plan I have put into action.  This plan is one I have wanted to implement for some time, it involves getting contract employment or working off-site somehow.  I never have written about my daughter and how she has influenced my life, at least in this way.  I worked at a company for almost a year where I went in early, not because they made me, I wanted to.  It was better for my performance, the company, and for me missing traffic.  I usually arrived there in the office about 630 AM after a half-hour drive.  For the math majors that meant I left my house at 600AM.  I usually did this after waking Brooklyn up to give her a goodbye kiss.  This was the normal thing for a while but she then started getting up to see me off by the front door.  She was not happy I was leaving, she was really sad, really upset sometimes.  She would be standing there with tears in her eyes asking me not to go, imploring me to stay.  I didn’t know what to do, well I knew what to do…not go.  I never stopped though, never did I stay there, I felt I couldn’t.  What a weasel, I was spineless.  Many people say that is what you have to do, you have to go to work and make a living so you can provide for her.  I’m not so sure that is the correct answer; there really is no correct answer, just one you tell yourself so you can still leave.  I was heartbroken, on a daily basis, not sure what to do; looking at bills and feeling powerless to do anything about the situation as a whole.  It is about now I wish I could say I came up with some master plan of massive action or something like that but I didn’t, I went to work, and I came home…rinse…wash…repeat.  I gave what I had to the job, and then I gave what I had to my family; real exciting, I know.  I did always want to do something about it, you know where wanting gets you…wanting.  I kept on going and kept on going, now I have an opportunity to shop around for the right thing to do that will make all of the needs be satisfied.  I am looking forward to being able to find fulfilling work and family life; to really have it all!  Hopefully you will see more and more updates on my progress, I’ll let you know about my head, literally and emotionally!  I just found this one, I like what is has to say:

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength.”

–A.J. Cronin